for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
pray to the hookup gods
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
