Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
