I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
