We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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