return my video game
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
