Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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