Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
