YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
