she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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