I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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