It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
