Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
