You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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