I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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