The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
