Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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