does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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