Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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