Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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