did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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