how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
