omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
