I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
