He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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