Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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