i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
