I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
