Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
