Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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