yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
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I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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