piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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