She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
