It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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