I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
