The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
