Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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