people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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