My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
