I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
