How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
