so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
