Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
