I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
