well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
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I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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