I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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