im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
