I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need to calm my uterus...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
