I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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