ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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