why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
