oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
