Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
