Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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