She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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