Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
