please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
