Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im six kinds of drunk right now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
