Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
