Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
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You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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