The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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