I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
