guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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