remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
