i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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