we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just high enough for therapy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
