I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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