You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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