this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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