i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
