her vagine was all disorganized.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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