D3 body, D1 cock
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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