the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
