Christians are straight up FREAKS
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
