i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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