Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
