The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You've changed since you got that strap on
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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