Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
